'Guard dog': Parenting expert explains why kids don’t listen when they’re upset

Join Mike for the latest episode of The House of Wellness with Chemist Warehouse on the Breeze, where he’s joined by Former Blackcaps Cricketer Grant Elliot, Marry Willow from Plum Parenting, magazine editor Vanessa Marshall, and our resident pharmacist, Piyara Perera.

 Featured Guest: Mary Willow

If you've ever found yourself negotiating with a toddler mid-meltdown, or wondering why your child seems completely incapable of hearing reason when they're upset, parenting expert Mary Willow reckons you might be talking to the wrong part of their brain.

The Plum Parenting founder joined Mike Puru to chat about her approach to raising resilient kids, and it all comes down to understanding what she calls the "true child" and the "guard dog".

The guard dog is the brain's defence system. "Its job is to protect number one," Willow explained.

She says that when the guard dog is activated, all the explaining, reasoning and negotiating in the world isn't likely to get through.

Instead, her advice is: "Be present. Be calm. The kid can have their emotions.”

Let them have a big wave of emotion and come out the other side with you just holding the fort - not buying into it, not engaging.

She says this is how kids learn resilience and how to cope - by getting through an experience and coming out the other side.

Her book, ‘Breaking Through: How to Rescue and Heal the Parent-Child Relationship’, explores what she sees as the pendulum swing between "punitive" and "permissive" parenting styles over the generations, and how parents can find the balance.

Featured Guest: Grant Elliott

The former Black Cap who delivered New Zealand's most memorable six in the 2015 World Cup semifinal joined Carolyn Taylor last week for a yarn that went well beyond the boundary ropes.

Elliott opened up about the mental shift required when professional sport suddenly ends, saying one of the biggest challenges was figuring out who he was once cricket was no longer part of his everyday life.

"You have to reinvent yourself," he explained, describing how the fire that burned from age 12 to become a better cricketer every day simply vanishes overnight.

These days, he's helping save lives as Partnerships Manager for LifeFlight, where his role involves raising more than $9 million each year to keep New Zealand's air ambulance service running.

Elliott shared the story of four premature babies - quadruplets - being flown to Wellington's neonatal unit, highlighting the real-world impact of the service. With around 2,000 lives expected to be saved this year alone, he said every donation counts.

You can catch him on the June cover of The House of Wellness magazine.

Featured Guest: Vanessa Marshall

The House of Wellness magazine editor, Vanessa Marshall, joined Mike to discuss June’s Men’s Health Week edition, featuring Grant Elliott on the cover and a growing conversation about blokes actually checking in on each other.

Marshall noted improvements in men’s openness. “Every year, year on year, men are far more open, and they just wanna talk,” she said.

I think the beautiful thing that I took from this issue is about checking up, and how guys can have conversations or be there for each other.

She added: “That might not feel particularly comfortable, but the more you do it and practise something, the more comfortable it becomes.”

The issue includes a mental well-being quiz available online during Men’s Health Week, designed to assess both physical and mental health through a simple WAF (Wellbeing Assessment Framework).

One standout feature explores men’s retreat culture - encouraging blokes to take themselves off for a weekend to decompress, whether with mates, solo, or at a yoga retreat.

Another story tackles Pilates for men, a growing trend at Les Mills studios. Marshall described trying it herself:“I was just like, how can something so tiny hurt so much? These tiny little movements?”

The magazine also recommends picking up the phone before sending a text, noting research shows this can particularly benefit men’s mental health.

Resident Pharmacist: Piyara Perera

Ever feel constantly tired, foggy, or just a bit off, but can't quite put your finger on why?

According to resident pharmacist Piara, a vitamin deficiency could be the culprit - and the tricky thing is, the signs aren't always obvious.

Turns out there are 13 essential vitamins, helping with everything from energy production and metabolism to brain function, skin health, vision, and bone strength.

Most of them need to come from our diet or supplements because our bodies can't make enough on their own. And when you're running low, the symptoms can be surprisingly broad.

Ongoing tiredness, low energy, dizziness, brain fog, dry skin, brittle nails, and hair loss - any of these could signal a vitamin shortage. Vitamin D deficiency might present as muscle weakness or aches, while low B12 can cause tingling in the hands and feet, those annoying cracks in the corners of your mouth, or memory problems.

Perera’s advice is that “more isn’t always better when it comes to vitamins.”

I meet a lot of people who just take everything under the sun, but sometimes you just need a couple of really good ones that are suited for whatever problems you’re having.

She says to chat with your pharmacist first (they can talk through symptoms, medications, diet, and lifestyle), then potentially get a blood test through your GP.

Self-test kits for iron and vitamin B are now available in pharmacies for a quick initial check.

Featured Product: Sanderson Real Sleep FX

Today, we’re talking about Sanderson Real Sleep FX, a high-strength sleep support supplement with a unique synergistic combination of herbs, plus magnesium to support the central nervous system, calm a busy mind, support relaxation, and natural sleep cycles.

Perfect for those seeking a consistent and restful sleep cycle, Sanderson Real Sleep FX helps bridge the gap between daytime activities and nighttime recovery. This magnesium and herbal sleep formula can improve a person’s life by supporting the "three pillars of health" - nutrition, physical exercise, and sleep.

If you're lying awake overthinking, this formula is designed to support a quiet mind and drift off. Magnesium supports muscle relaxation and calms the nervous system. The combo of zizyphus and passionflower settles the mind, supporting you to switch off. 

For that ‘tired but wired’ feeling, American skullcap supports you to relax at the end of the day. Hops provide a gentle, natural calming effect on the body, and tart cherry supports a normal sleep cycle. Finally, chamomile and California poppy support relaxation for restful sleep.

Always read the label and follow the directions for use. Dietary supplements are not a replacement for a balanced diet. Real Vitamins, Auckland.

Catch the full episode up top and tune in next Sunday from 8 am for The House of Wellness on the Breeze.