Sharyn Casey has opened up about her “biggest secret” in the hopes of helping anyone who might be confused about how to feel in their first relationship.
In the latest episode of ‘A Little Bit Extra’, Sharyn discusses Perrie Edwards recently describing her “first love” relationship with Zayn Malik as “toxic”.
Reflecting on her own experience, Sharyn recalls being in a relationship that frequently went through big fights, breakups, and “toxicity” that she’s only been able to fully identify and process as an adult.
It’s never easy to resurface those feelings or take yourself back to a time where you didn’t feel “safe” in a relationship, and Sharyn openly admits how uneasy opening up can feel.
“I’ve been in radio for like 20 years and I talk about everything, every thing, and I've talked about all of my past relationships, but I have never, ever, ever spoken about my first real relationship,” Shaz said.
She explains how she left that relationship and hasn’t wanted to speak about it out of fear her true feelings and experiences might be invalidated by the other person involved.
“What if I talk about it and then he's just like, 'That's not true. None of that happened', and it's like that gaslighting situation where you sometimes feels like it didn't happen, and it is because you are so manipulated by a person that you feel like your memory of reality wasn't reality.”
I thought that sort of toxicity was normal.
Sharyn’s thankful to the relationships that came after for their “understanding” and “kindness.”
“I feel like if they hadn't been, I probably would be even more affected now than I am,” she said. “It wasn't truly until I met Bryce that I realised that your relationships aren't supposed to be that intense.”
“They aren't supposed to be those big fiery arguments where it's like the whole world's gonna end. Like you're chasing each other down the street and the rain like arguing, and then you are like, no, I love you, and all that sort of stuff.”
Her advice for anyone who might be in their late teens, early 20s, or just experiencing a similar relationship, is to recognise that it’s not “normal.”
When you go through these relationships, it's not normal.
“It is not normal to be in a relationship with somebody that makes you feel small, that makes you feel scared, that makes you feel like if you do something or don't do something, then they're not gonna be with you.”
“When you are in a relationship, that person is your teammate, and they will be there for you. They will be your mirror, they will be your cheerleader. They will be the person you have fun with, and you feel safe being intimate and all that sort of stuff,” she explains.
If you're in that situation, I'm telling you right now as your friend, you deserve better.
“You do not deserve to ever feel scared or quiet or like you can't say what you think, or be yourself. And if you feel any of those things, get out of it.”
Elsewhere in the podcast, Sharyn talks about open communication and the growth you can experience in a relationship where these kinds of conversations come up.
You can hear Shaz sharing her story and more advice in ‘A Little Bit Extra’ on rova.
