OPINION: Why I'm grieving Lizzo - and why I don't need her anymore

A few years ago, I wrote an article about how Lizzo changed my life. 

Not in a vague, inspirational-quote way, but in a put-the-nice-sheets-on-the-bed, buy-yourself-the-flowers, look-in-the-mirror-and-say-damn-you're-the-one way. 

Originally, I tweeted about how I had used one of her songs as a template for change. She reposted me a couple of times, tweeted about it, and it all went a bit viral.

Then she talked about it on the radio, and I wrote an article about her that had people seeking me out to tell me what she did for them. It remains one of the weirdest, loveliest things that has happened to me.

Here's the thing about Lizzo that made her matter so much: We don't get many role models who are multifaceted in ways that are actually relatable. A band geek. A classically trained flautist. A joyful dancer. A plus-size beauty who was fit and strong and running around a stage for two hours a night. Who was twerking, hitting high notes, and playing her flute, all at once, entirely unapologetically, in a skin-tight, bright pink leotard. 

Then things went sideways.

Before I get into it, let me be really clear about where I stand. Everyone has the right to do what they want with their own body. Full stop. 

Lizzo losing weight is not a betrayal of the big girls, and it's not a political statement. She doesn't owe anyone a particular type of body. She doesn't owe us a physique that makes the rest of us feel some kind of way. It was a lovely thing to have out in the world, but it was never her job to be that for us.

And yet.

I'm holding two things at once: she owed us nothing, and I still grieved. I grieved losing the sight of someone in a large body doing all those amazing things and blowing up the stereotype with every performance. 

We had that, and now we mostly don't, and both of those facts can sit at the same table.

If it had just been her losing a bit of size, this would be a different article. A shorter one. Less grief. But it wasn't just the body.

In June, she released a new album, and it landed with a thud you could hear from space. First week sales in the low thousands. Just 600,000 streams on Spotify in the first 24 hours. It didn't chart at all. Her explanation? The industry changed. Streaming replaced radio, and she was a radio darling; that's how her fans found her - although I’d argue a lot of us found her via Netflix and TikTok, too.

Industry folks have pushed back. If you know the game has changed, one music exec said, why aren't you rallying your fans to show up for you? They're your fans. They'll do what you ask.

Here's my less diplomatic take: Her music just isn't that good anymore.

The old stuff was anthems. It touched your soul, it compelled you to dance, it made you stand in front of a mirror and mean it. It was bloody joyful. 

The new stuff is... fine. Critics called it disjointed. I call it forgettable, and forgettable is the one thing Lizzo never used to be.

She also pointed to what she calls a public attack on her career.

So. The lawsuits. Former dancers alleged harassment, a hostile workplace, and weight shaming. She denies it all. Some claims have been thrown out, and the rest are still grinding through the courts, so I'm not going to get amongst. But it soured things for those of us in the cheap seats, because the whole trick was that the message and the messenger were the same thing. 

When that cracked, everything cracked.

Some might (rightly) say my relationship with Lizzo was parasocial. I don’t know her. She read a handful of my tweets. But it was genuinely great to have someone out there embodying what we were so hungry for - someone who made self-love and integrity look like a party we were all invited to.

And now that's gone. 

Not because she lost weight. Not even because of one flop album. The allegations didn’t help. It's the whole thing. It's gone because the permission she gave us and the life she modelled for us got complicated and tainted.

That, in my opinion, is the real tragedy of Lizzo.

So whatever happens to her next, I hope she finds her way back to whatever made 'Juice' and 'Truth Hurts' and 'About Damn Time'. 

The world could use more anthems, and she was so good at giving them to us.

We might not get many role models like Lizzo. Lucky for us, she taught us how to be our own.