Usually considered the ultimate relationship milestone, marriage doesn’t seem to hold the same weight in Aotearoa as other parts of the world - and some Kiwis view it more as a "fancy piss up".
A recent Reddit thread asked the important question: “Is getting married still a big deal in New Zealand? Or are people fine just living together?”
Whether it’s surprising or not, the overwhelming response was that Kiwis generally considered having children, a mortgage and shared finances enough of a commitment to each other.
Especially when the law already treats long-term de facto couples pretty much the same as married ones.
According to Community Law NZ, couples who’ve been living together in a relationship for three years are covered by the equal-sharing rules as married couples when it comes to property, inheritance, etc.
For many, that takes the pressure off actually tying the knot.
“Since society and the government both consider a de facto relationship as almost exactly the same as a marriage, an increasing number of people in NZ are choosing not to get married,” one user wrote. “It’s an excuse for a party if people are looking for that – but it can also be a large expense that takes away from other things.”
That expense is a major factor, too.
While some commenters still plan to get married to celebrate with loved ones or share a surname with their children, plenty of others simply can’t justify the cost.
“If you have a spare $30,000+, then sure, why not?” one user joked. “I think people are prioritising housing and children over an expensive piece of paper.”
Others agreed, calling weddings “a good excuse for a fancy piss-up,” but not essential to a committed relationship.
“I’m six years in, and I think marriage is a bit silly. Doesn’t change anything these days,” one commenter wrote. “To be honest, the idea of organising a wedding and having heaps of people over scares me shitless.”
But despite the lack of marriage pressure in our culture, some still see the value in the tradition.
“People still get married, but it's increasingly common not to,” said one commenter. “Marriage doesn't change a relationship. If people are committed and love each other, not being married won't undo that.”
“I do, however, plan on getting married. But it's more so we can celebrate our love with all our family and friends,” they added.
Another said: “My husband and I had a registry wedding because being married was important to both of us. It was cheap, and now I get to call him husband. It mattered to us, and that’s the main thing.”
So while many Kiwis still appreciate the significance of marriage, it’s no longer widely seen as the ultimate relationship goal.
And with priorities shifting, it seems plenty of Kiwi couples are happily skipping the vows - and the price of a big do.
