We're going into the final season of 'The Summer I Turned Pretty' and this is a spoiler alert. But I am so mad at this show.
Firstly, this is not a personal attack on the actors of the show, but for me, this is The Summer I Turned Enraged, because I was just so baffled by the latest episode.
We've got two episodes left. Belly is now in Paris, and we had an entire episode of Jeremiah doing his cry face, which looks like he's constipated.
We had an entire episode of someone getting some Gatorade for Jeremiah, which I understand, in terms of showing Conrad is the only person who knows what he needs. But how many times do we have to hear "Red Gatorade?"
I want to know how much Gatorade paid for that. But then once the Gatorade advertisement was over, we were in Paris with Belly. And guess what, guys? Someone stole her luggage. Uh oh. Lucky she's got her Apple AirTag in her bag. We then see her following AirTag, and it went on for most of the episode. Way too long.
Not to mention, as somebody who doesn't know Paris very well, all of a sudden, she knows the bus and train system so well that she can keep up with an AirTag. And she manages to just get into a private party with her suitcase.
What?! My husband can't even get into a bar on Ponsonby Road wearing a hat, and this girl is going into a party with an entire rolly suitcase. It's not even a check-in suitcase. It's a big suitcase.
I get it. It's like symbolism that 'I'm carrying my baggage', but it just blew my mind. I was like, 'No, come on. We are better than this'.
I wish the director had just added in a bit of text saying 'And then Belly went to Paris. Someone stole her bag, and she found her friend.' We don't need 43 minutes of it.
Also, at what point did Susanna, who's Jeremiah and Conrad's mum, not just pull her boys aside and be like, 'Guys, there's more fish in the sea'? Or go to Belly and say: 'Hey, stop effing with my sons.'
Because I'm telling you now, if anyone plays my two sons against each other, I don't care how amazing they are. I will not let that happen. I will not let my sons get to the point that they hate each other or don't wanna be around each other over a partner.
It is just ridiculous, and it's making me so mad, so enraged.
But despite all this, I'm definitely gonna be tuning in on Wednesday night when the next episode comes out, because I love the show so much.
I really wanted to be team Jeremiah the whole way through, but I think we've now all accepted that we know how the book ends. Just hurry up and get there.
I wanna see a super, super racy Conrad and Belly sex scene. I wanna see the big romantic 'Notebook' level reconciliation, pash in the rain. It's gotta be epic. These last two episodes have got to make the AirTag, Gatorade thing worth it.
There are too many characters that have been introduced for two more episodes. F*ck all of them, stay with the core cast and let's get in there.
The other thing that really drove me crazy was when Taylor and Steven finally reunite and they start boning, and I was like, 'oh my God. I never found Steven hot before,' and the chemistry between these two is crazy. But just as it was getting peak sexy, he stood up and you see his khaki shorts. I don't know why, and this is so judgmental, but as soon as I saw his khaki shorts, I was like, 'you've ruined it'.
I'm really happy they're together. But I just ask: Steven. I know you're a fictional character, but next time that you make love to Queen Taylor of 'The Summer I Turned Pretty', put on some f*cking better pants.
I don't know why, but the khaki shorts - they weren't working for me, and I know that this show is purely for my libido. Thank you.
Whew. I feel much better now.
