Hayden Paddon reflects on ‘hardest weeks’ of his life returning to Monte Carlo

The Morning Rumble caught up with Kiwi rally legend Hayden Paddon recently, and he opened up about a ghost he’d been running from for eight years, and how he ended up tackling it head on. 

Trigger warning: This article covers mental health. If you or someone you know is struggling, you can check out a bunch of resources to help here.

Returning to the Monte Carlo Rally in January this year wasn't just another race; it was a head-on confrontation with a trauma that had haunted him since 2017, when he was involved in a tragic accident that resulted in the death of a spectator.

“I ran away from it for eight years and the simple solution was I should have faced it head-on at the time,” Paddon admitted. “I made the problem bigger than what it was by trying to avoid it for so long.”

While the rally is a massive challenge in itself, Paddon says the real battle was the six-week lead-up. Going back meant staying in the same hotels and revisiting the locations that held his darkest memories.

“Worst six weeks of my life," he told the Rumble. "It was literally the biggest thing I've ever had to face in fear, right in the face. And I wanted to run away from the whole situation.”

In typical ‘Kiwi bloke’ fashion, Hayden didn’t seek out professional help to prep for the return.

“I did the Kiwi bloke way - I buried it and tried to forget about it... And never thought I'd be going back.”

The easy choice would have been to say no, but Paddon knew that if he didn't front up, he’d be closing the door on other opportunities. Once he finally crossed the finish line, he said the relief was massive.

“Once we got the rally done, it was like this massive weight off your shoulders. Personally, probably one of the biggest personal things I've achieved in my life. You put a lot of sporting stuff aside."

It’s a solid reminder that doing the hard things - even when you’d rather bolt - is usually the only way forward.

“It goes to show your life that you shouldn't hide and run away from stuff,” he said, adding he feels immensely proud of himself.

Good on ya, Hayden. A massive effort on and off the road, and a candid reminder to take care of your mental health.