Survey reveals huge differences in what NZ men and women prioritise when dating

Kiwis are tired when it comes to online dating - and not only that, we’re losing the butterflies that actually make it exciting.

New survey data from matchmaking service Compatico NZ, based on 400 New Zealand singles, shows just 9.2% of Kiwis say dating feels exciting, while close to half (around 42%) describe it as either frustrating or exhausting.

Just over a quarter of singles (26.5%) feel neutral about dating, which, let’s be honest, is not what you want when the goal is to get sparks flying.

“These numbers don’t surprise us at all,” says Elise Dalrymple-Keast, CEO of Compatico.

“Unfortunately, almost half of Kiwis are finding dating frustrating or exhausting, and that’s largely because they’re often filtering for the wrong things and wasting time on dates with people who aren’t right for them, while overlooking people who could actually be a good fit.”

The survey also shows a huge divide in what men and women prioritise when searching for a match.

Nearly half of men (49%) reckon physical attraction is in their top two priorities, compared to a quarter of women. The gals are actually placing emotional availability higher on our ranks (37%).

More than three-quarters of Kiwi singles said the biggest challenge is just simply not meeting the right people - whether that’s attraction, emotional availability, or just compatibility in general.

“People are spending hours swiping and getting nowhere,” Dalrymple-Keast adds.

They’re time-poor, they’re emotionally drained, and they’ve lost faith in the process. The Irony is that most of them are great catches, they just can’t find each other.

A Forbes Health survey found that a whopping 78% of dating app users reported burnout. Bumble lost 20% of its paying subscribers, and Tinder subscribers dropped 8% in the last quarter of 2025.

“Dating apps were built around volume - more swipes, more matches, more options. But what people actually want is the opposite: fewer, better introductions to genuinely compatible people,” Dalrymple-Keast says.

Money also plays a pretty big role. While over half of Kiwi singles said they’d prefer a partner in a similar financial situation, 13% said they wouldn’t even date someone with significantly less money or assets - That’s one in eight of the singles calling financial a deal breaker…

So, is it time to ditch the apps and get back to real connection? It’s a scary thought, but then again, so is swiping through hundreds of singles just to find the right one.